You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
