ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
