you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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