I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
