Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
time to smoke my breakfast
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
