Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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