I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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