And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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