Can i not drive my cunt home
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize