my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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