I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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