I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
