I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
