I faked an abortion last night.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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