Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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