Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
