Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
