I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
