I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
