Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
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