Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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