he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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