don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize