Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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