problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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