I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize