love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
