She's JV to your varsity
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
