1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Randomize
