Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
