those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
