I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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