Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm lost and stupid without you.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
