The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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