Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
