I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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