Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize