I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
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