Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
