i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
