Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
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By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
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She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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