I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
i believe in u and ur pee
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
