Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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