All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
