Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
