I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
