I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I pour the whiskey from now on
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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