There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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