i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
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dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
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Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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