I smell stomach acid.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
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