I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
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He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
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My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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