I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
