im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
