I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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