the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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