I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
