dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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