doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
