Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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