I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
