Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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