Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
