I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
