Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
