She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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