The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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