It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
