Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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