eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
